Science to Arts??? HaHaHa :D

"I am neither getting into any medical college nor I am going to drop a year for preparation. I did not study in last 2years,so, what makes you think I will open the biology book again after all these months. I think I would be doing English (Hons) now."

Friend No. 1 -
"You're interested in reading and writing so English seems good for you but yaar whatever it is but thinking of changing the stream from Science to Arts is such a shameful thought. I mean if you do so, what was the profit of reading PCB? I can't think of it. Log kya kahenge?"


Friend No. 2-
"Oye majak hai kya? You read biology for 2years and now you are talking of English? What the hell are you thinking?"

Friend No. 3-
"What? English? HAHAHA. You're opting for medical, isn't it? English? HAHAHA "

Friend No. 4-
"What are going to do after graduation then? Be a teacher? LOL"

Relatives-
"You're our only hope. When it comes to being a doctor, we expect it from you. Don't you like biology? You said you wanted to be a doctor, then how come you're thinking of English? Anyway, nothing is in our hands. You never know what your destiny is."

You got me right; the above are a few reactions to my decision of studying English (hons) instead of Medical Science. Probably your reaction to the situation may be similar to one of the above, I think. Till now I haven't come across anyone apart from my parents and brother who completely supports my decision. That's what a family is for, isn't it? If that's what you think you'd enjoy doing and you're sure about it, then we're with you.


So let me just tell you about my tour from Science to Arts. It's a long one. Read only if you've got 'Velle Lamhe'   ;-)

When I was in class II/III, my English teacher often asked me to write 10 lines about 'What you want to be when you grow up.' I don't remember what I used to write may be teacher or something but I never wrote about being a doctor. Since class III to X, I had a number of ambitions like, astronaut, Choreographer, Actor, Music Director, Journalist and many more which were mostly related to the reel world. Being a doctor was something I hated. Reason? I don't know. It just never came to my mind. In fact I had made up my mind to never do any medical course but when have things happened the way I expected them? :P

Just when I thought everything was fine, when I was among the top 3 students of my class, when I thought that no matter what happens I will remain good at studies forever; destiny greedily changed my fate. I found myself away from school and studies at a hospital, which I hated at first, with saline drips in my hands. Being continuously affected by the side effect of my leukemia treatment I had announced to be an oncologist & to research about medicines and create a treatment without any side effects. I won't be wrong if I say that I was away from books for almost an year and when I was back I was left loose to study as much as I can, no extra pressure of being the best one in studies. At first, I had a zeal to prove myself but it started to fade as I was praised for doing my best in such a hard time which obviously led me to cloud nine and filled me with over confidence. After Xth I started taking studies loosely. I hated Physics, Chemistry and Biology more than ever. The only subject that interested me was English, initially because it did not need much reading, or so I thought. 

I have always been a reader, genetic it is, I think. Till 2008 my reading world remained confined to comics and short stories. In 2009, I was introduced to the world of novels to which now I'm addicted and in 2011, I  found a hope within me which said that I could even write myself only if I tried to. Being bad at expressing myself while talking and most of the times ending up with misinterpretations/misunderstandings, I started to express myself via writing. And slowly it became my escape from the whole world around me. If I'm upset- I would write, I am happy- I will pick up a novel, I am blank- I would choose either of them. PCM were forgotten by me when I was in the middle of my XII. To be honest, I did not care. I knew I no more wanted to be a doctor, it was temporary. Once my brother pointed out that I had no interest in medical I was just interested in my leukemia. I knew he was right but I failed to accept it then because somewhere somehow I was living under the notion that I would be a doctor. Everyone in my family had expectations, hopes and beliefs and I didn't want to turn them down, I did not want to hurt them and I also did not know what I wanted to do, So I remained silent. Being at CMC inspired me but as soon as I am back at home all the inspiration is gone.

Since January 2012, I spent every single moment struggling to know what I wanted, what made me happy which I could choose as a career. I had always been a confused soul. Most of the times I thought about being an actor as that's what I dreamed of the most when I was a kid. I also have stage fright which made me keep that dream aside. I started blogging and then came the thought of studying English. I shared this thought with my parents, they did not have any objection to that and said I could keep that as a back up. Wondering why they said so? Because I never said no to medical. I was afraid. Boards were over, I knew it was a disaster. Entrance time. I guess I have appeared every medical entrance in India. I was so irritated that I never opened the book to study for entrances, I knew I won't get into any medical college,I didn't want to, but still I didn't say NO. Finally when the results came up and I was selected in none I gathered up every ounce of courage in me and said the NO which I should have said long ago. 

Then the concentration shifted to English and my father also suggested psychology knowing that I had a great interest in counselling people around me. A few Google searches helped me to choose Psychology and English. And yet I was again confused between which subject I wanted more. So I appeared the entrance for both at Jamia Milia Islamia and CATE 2012. Falling in love with the Campus of Jamia I had made up mind to stay there for next 3years even though every one was chanting 'Delhi University.' Why these universities? Because Delhi has been the place where I have wanted to be always. It's kind of my dream city. Still my parents were not sure if I should be left at Delhi, so there came the thought of colleges in Odisha. And the decision was left to me again. Even though i wanted to be in Delhi, a weaker part  of me did not want to stay away from my parents. I was confused again. I spent days and nights simply thinking and coming up with nothing

I don't know what's so special about having THE DU TAG but anyway I was admitted in DU for B.A. (h) English the day after the night when I wrote my longest Diary entry and my brother has now named me Ms. DU Tag. I'm wondering when he would stop because I don't like it much. I never liked when I was the one being teased. It's obviously irritating, 

I studied Science in +2 with the hope of becoming a doctor and now I would be studying English Hons.  with the hope of becoming someone I would not like to mention. I don't know which of my decisions was right. Should I have continued in Science stream? I don't know. I am not sure if changing the stream is right or wrong but what I am sure of is that I don't want to live my life thinking what people would think. I don't care if someone considers it shameful. What I know is that I really want to study English and get lost in the world of literature, novels and writings but I am not under the notion of the course being easy. 

My life is a roller coaster of mistakes, confusions, late night thoughts, lessons, realizations, griefs along with joy and happiness. It's not a profit/loss statement. You don't need to be benefited in everything you do. What would life be then? I may not know what I actually want to be but I surely know what I don't want to be which would eventually lead me to what I want .It may take a lot of time and I am not in a hurry. All I want to say is seek everyone's opinion but in the end do what you think is right. You may not be right but what I have learned in past years is that you don't learn anything without committing your own mistakes. Never be afraid to commit mistakes but never repeat the ones you already committed.

Manjil mil hi jaegi bhatak kar sahi

Gumrah to wo hain jo ghar se nikalte hi nahi

-I don't know who really wrote this sentence but I heard it for the 1st time from Akash Gautam and it inspires me a lot.

Be who you are, say what you feel and do what you want because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

:-)